Jordana Bevan Quotes

“Problems are like top trumps. I have a pretty good card: Adulterous Mum. But Jordana’s is still better: Tumour Mother.”

“She’s too good for me, she’s too good for anyone! All I could do was let her know.”

“Oh diary, I love her, I love her, I love her so much. Jordana is the most amazing person I have ever met. I could eat her. I could drink her blood.”

“That’s a big love letter,” she says, squinting. I know what I’m going to say and for a moment I wish there was a film crew documenting my day-to-day life: “I’ve got a big heart,” I say.”

“She’s the only person I would allow to be shrunk to microscopic size and explore me in a tiny submersible machine. She is wonderful and beautiful and sensitive and funny and sexy.”

“I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist?”