Pete With No Pants

I’m the least messy person in my apartment, but that’s not saying much. I also have the shortest legs and am the least spontaneous…by leaps and bounds. Other than my dog. Who is not spontaneous at all. And who also has much shorter legs than me. Although they are proportionally bigger, if we’re being totally honest with each other. Which is not saying much. But it’s true. Speaking of true things, my wife really truly does call me Rowboat. I think it’s fair to say it never once occurred to my parents to call me Rowboat. So they didn’t. To this day my dad is still convinced my name is Robot. Which it is not. Nothing against robots. I’m pro robot. But I’m a rowboat. With short legs. And an aversion to turtlenecks sweaters and boots.