Brian Patten Quotes

Naughty children with nasty habits, cartoon heroes that come to life, lonely caretakers, unhappy ghosts, fantastical creatures with crazy names, giants, goblins, vampires, mermaids.

“Mum won’t let me keep a rabbit, She won’t let me keep a bat. She won’t let me keep a porcupine, or a water-rat. ”

“We love to squeeze bananas, we love to squeeze ripe plums, And when they are feeling sad We love to squeeze our mums.”

“Cousin Lesley took a pill that made her go invisible Perhaps this would have been all right if everything was out of sight.”

“When we buried the dog in the garden on the grave we put a cross and the tall man next door was cross. ‘Animals have no soul, he said. ‘They must have animal souls,’ we said.”

″ I haven’t got a Smurgle or a Zurgle in the house, I haven’t even got a Smollypopomouse. So I went to the pet shop and said, ‘What I want Is a Smurgle or a Zurgle or a Smollypopomouse.‘”

A collection of comedy poems, many with a sting in the tail that beg to be read aloud. The rhymes and rhythms are fairly simple and the bizarre topics ranging from the glory of snot to the fact that the word orange has no rhyme make these the ideal way to introduce young children to the glories of poetry.

“The Incredible Hulk came to tea, Robin was with him too, Batman stayed at home that night because his bat had flu. Superman called to say hello and Spiderman spun us a joke. Dynamite Sue was supposed to come but she went up in smoke.”

“She won’t let me keep a rattle-snake Or viper in the house, She won’t let me keep a mamba Or its meal, a mouse.”

“I’ve never heard the Queen sneeze. Or seen her blow her nose. I’ve never seen her pick a spot. Or tread on someone’s toes. I’ve never seen her slide upon a slippery piece of ice!”