Aristophanes Quotes

Women’s Leader: “I’ll rip out your lungs and your guts with my fangs.” Men’s Leader: “No poet’s wiser than Euripides: as he says, no beast exists so shameless as womankind!”

“Then, masking the pain in our hearts, we’d put on a smile and ask you, ‘How did the Assembly go today? Any decision about a rider to the peace treaty?’ And my husband would say, ‘What’s that to you? Shut up!’ And I’d shut up.”

Lysistrata: “Well, what did you expect? Did you think you were going up against a bunch of slave girls? Or did you think women lack gall?” Magistrate: “Oh yes, they’ve got plenty of that, provided there’s a wine bar nearby.”

Magistrate: “If you hadn’t shut up you’d have got a beating!” Lysistrata: “Well, that’s why I did shut up—then. But later on we began to hear about even worse decisions you’d made, and then we would ask, ‘Husband, how come you’re handling this so stupidly?’ And right away he’d glare at me and tell me to get back to my sewing if I didn’t want major damage to my head: ‘War shall be the business of menfolk,’ unquote.”

“After that we women decided to lose no more time, and to band together to save Greece. What was the point of waiting any longer? So, if you’re ready to listen in your turn as we give you good advice, and to shut up as we had to, we can put you on the right track.”

Calonice: “But don’t you think the men will quickly launch a concerted counterattack on us?” Lysistrata: “I’m not worried about them. They can’t come against us with enough threats or fire to get these gates open, except on the terms we’ve agreed on.” Calonice: “No they can’t, so help me Aphrodite! Otherwise we women wouldn’t deserve to be called rascals you can’t win a fight with!

Lysistrata: “But if the women gather together here—the Boeotian women, the Peloponnesian women, and ourselves—together we’ll be able to rescue Greece.” Calonice: “But what can mere women do that’s intelligent or illustrious? We sit around the house looking pretty, wearing saffron dresses, and make-up, and Cimberic gowns, and pleasure-boat slippers.” Lysistrata: “Exactly! That’s exactly what I think will rescue Greece: our fancy little dresses, our perfumes and our slippers, our rouge and our see-through underwear!”

“Before now, and for quite some time, we maintained our decorum and suffered in silence whatever you men did, because you wouldn’t let us make a sound.”

Calonice: “And you, Lysistrata. What’s bothering you? Don’t frown, child. Knitted brows don’t become you.” Lysistrata: “But my heart’s on fire, Calonice, and I’m terribly annoyed about us women. You know, according to the men we’re capable of any sort of mischief—” Calonice: “And so we surely are!” Lysistrata: “But when they’re told to meet us here to discuss a matter of no trifling importance, they sleep in and don’t show up.”

“How could he be right, you sorry fool, when we were forbidden to offer advice even when your policy was wrong?”

“That’s quite a different story. When a man comes home he can quickly find a girl to marry, even if he’s a graybeard. But a woman’s prime is brief; if she doesn’t seize it, no one wants to marry her, and she sits at home looking for good omens.”

“No, that’s also been well provided for: we’re going to occupy the Acropolis this very day. The older women are assigned that part: while we’re working out our agreement down here, they’ll occupy the Acropolis, pretending to be up there for a sacrifice.”

“It’s shocking, you know, that they’re lecturing the citizens now, and running their mouths—mere women!—about brazen shields. And to top it off they’re trying to make peace between us and the men of Sparta, who are no more trustworthy than a starving wolf.”

“If any man among us gives these women even the tiniest handhold, there’s no limit to what their nimble hands will do. Why, they’ll even be building frigates and launching naval attacks, cruising against us like Artemisia.”

“If you live long enough, you’ll get many surprises, yes sir! Well, Strymodorus, who in the world ever thought we’d hear that women, the blatant nuisance we’ve reared in our homes,now control the Sacred Image and occupy my Acropolis, And to top it all, with bolts and bars close off the citadel gates?”

“Honey, they’ll be along. You know, it’s a lot of trouble for wives to get out of the house: we’re giving hubby a hand, or waking up a slave, or putting the baby to bed, or bathing it, or feeding it a snack.”

“Well, sir, you shouldn’t lift your hand against your neighbors just anytime you feel like it. If you do, you’re going to end up with a black eye. You see, I’d rather be sitting modestly at home like a maiden, bothering no one here, stirring not a single blade of grass. But if anyone annoys me and rifles my nest, they’ll find a wasp inside.”

Magistrate: “You’ll manage the money?” Lysistrata: “What’s so strange about that? Don’t we manage the household finances for you already?” Magistrate: “That’s different.” Lysistrata: “How so?” Magistrate: “These are war funds!”

“What do you think you’re doing, you naughty girl, listening to those other women and giving me a hard time and hurting yourself as well.”

Cinesias: “And what a long time it’s been since you’ve celebrated Aphrodite’s holy mysteries. Won’t you come home?” Myrrhine: “I certainly will not, not until you men agree to a settlement and stop the war.”