Jeff Kinney Quotes

“I have told Rowley at least a billion times that now we’re in middle school, you’re supposed to say ‘hang out,’ not ‘play’. But no matter how many noogies I give him, he always forgets the next time.”

“I did my singing tryouts with a bunch of other boys whose moms made them come, too. I tried to sing as quietly as possible, but of course I got singled out, anyway. I have no idea what a “soprano” is, but from the way some of the girls were giggling, I knew it wasn’t a good thing.”

“The best I can figure out is that I’m somewhere around the 52nd or 53rd most popular this year.”

“I’ve been trying to be a lot more careful about my image since I got to middle school. But having Rowley around is definitely not helping.”

“I figure if I bulk up now, it could actually come in handy down the road. The football unit is coming in the spring, and they split the teams up into shirts and skins. And I ALWAYS get put on skins. I think they do that to make all the out-of-shape kids feel ashamed of themselves.”

“I WANTED to sign up for Home Economics 2, because I was pretty good at Home Ec 1. But being good at sewing does not exactly buy you popularity points at school.”

“I can’t believe Rowley went and backstabbed me like that. While I was sitting there getting chewed out by Mr. Winsky, I was thinking, I need to remember to give my friend a lecture about loyalty.”

“Ever since the worm incident, Rowley has been hanging out with Collin Lee every day after school. What really stinks is that Collin is supposed to be MY backup friend. These guys are acting totally ridiculous. Today, Rowley and Collin were wearing these matching T-shirts, and it made me just about want to vomit.”

“Well, if Rowley appreciated what I did for him last week, he hasn’t said it. But we’ve started hanging out after school again, so I guess that means me and him are back to normal.”

“I try to explain all this popularity stuff to Rowley (who is probably hovering around the 150 mark, by the way), but I think it just goes in one ear and out the other with him.”

“The other thing I want to clear up right away is that this was MOM’s idea, not mine.”

“Rowley is technically my best friend, but that’s definitely subject to change.”