The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales Quotes

“Well, as it turned out, he was just a really ugly duckling. And he grew up to be just a really ugly duck. The end.”

“Once upon a time there was a Prince. And this Prince’s dad and mom (the King and Queen) somehow got it into their royal heads that no Princess would be good enough for their boy unless she could feel a pea through one hundred mattresses. So it should come as no surprise that the Prince had a very hard time finding a Princess.”

″‘This might sound odd,’ said the Princess. ‘But I think you need another mattress. I felt like I was sleeping on a lump as big as a bowling ball.‘”

“Foxy Loxy led Chicken Licken, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Cocky Locky to his cave. He didn’t get to eat them though, because Chicken Licken was almost right. The sky wasn’t falling. The Table of Contents was. It fell and squashed everybody. The End.”

“A long time ago, people used to tell magical stories of wonder and enchantment. Those stories were called Fairy Tales. Those stories are not in this book. The stories in this book are almost Fairy Tales. But not quite. The stories in this book are Fairly Stupid Tales.”

In fact, you should definitely go read the stories now, because the rest of this introduction just kind of goes on and on and doesn’t really say anything. I stuck it on to the end here so it would fill up the page and make it look like I really knew what I was talking about.”

“Once upon a time Chicken Licken was standing around when a piece of something fell on her head. She wasn’t the brightest thing on two legs, so she started running around in circles clucking, ‘The sky is falling! The sky is falling! We must tell the President!‘”

“The Prince and Princess were married. And everyone lived happily, though maybe not honestly, ever after.”

“Everyone used to say, ‘What a nice looking bunch of ducklings-all except that one. Boy, he’s really ugly.’ The really ugly duckling heard these people, but he didn’t care. He knew that one day he would probably grow up to be a swan and be bigger and look better than anything in the pond.”