sarcasm Quotes

“There is no need to call me ‘sir’, Professor.”

Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. Ghosts are transparent.

“They entered a very plain house, for the door was only of silver, and the ceilings were only of gold, but wrought in so elegant a taste as to vie with the richest. The antechamber, indeed, was only encrusted with rubies and emeralds, but the order in which everything was arranged made amends for this great simplicity.”

“’How many dramas have you in France, sir?’ said Candide to the Abbé. ‘Five or six thousand.’ ‘What a number!’ said Candide. ‘How many good?’ ‘Fifteen or sixteen,’ replied the other. ‘What a number!’ said Martin.”

“Providentially. That is the word. For the fly had not been left behind by accident. No, the hand of Providence was in it. There are no accidents. All things that happen, happen for a purpose. They are foreseen from the beginning of time, they are ordained from the beginning of time.

“He is a marvel -- man is! I would I knew who invented him.”

″‘Peace’ is a condition in which no civilian pays any attention to military casualties which do not achieve page-one, lead-story prominence-unless that civilian is a close relative of one of the casualties. But, if there ever was a time in history when ‘peace’ meant that there was no fighting going on, I have been unable to find out about it.”

“People who are to be comfortable are accustomed to lie on sofas, and dine off tables, and they should have sauces and sweets in the modern style.”

“Until then, carpe diem.” “What?” “It’s Latin,” I said. “It means, complain in daylight.”

″‘Brightness...I believe you stray into sarcasm.’ ‘Funny.I thought I’d run straight into it,screaming at the top of my lungs.‘”

“These were the first words of antagonism. To fling elaborate sarcasms at Tess, however, was much life flinging them at a dog or cat. The charms of their subtlety passed by her unappreciated...”

″‘I can see what you’re up to.’ ‘Five foot six inches,’ Shallan said. ‘I suspect that’s all I will ever be up to, unfortunately.‘”

“Let me be punish’d, that have minded you Of what you should forget. Now, good my liege Sir, royal sir, forgive a foolish woman: The love I bore your queen--lo, fool again!-- I’ll speak of her no more, nor of your children; I’ll not remember you of my own lord, Who is lost too: take your patience to you, And I’ll say nothing. ”

“No one plows the field just by thinking about it.”

“ ‘Ha, ha, ha! Next you’ll be finding pleasure in a toothache!’ you will exclaim, laughing. ‘And why not? There is also pleasure in a toothache,’ I will answer.”

“Sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.”

“Her face, it was like, I don’t know, it was beautiful. It just, it wasn’t the way--I guess it wasn’t just the way it looked like, but also how she was standing. With her arm. I just started at her. I was getting some meg feed on the food bar and the pot stickers were really cheap.”

“Shee, you guys are so unhip it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.”

In fact, you should definitely go read the stories now, because the rest of this introduction just kind of goes on and on and doesn’t really say anything. I stuck it on to the end here so it would fill up the page and make it look like I really knew what I was talking about.”

“It’s true, I tell you. Your Mam will have to pray about this new one same as she prayed about you. ‘Please Lord,’ she’ll say, ‘have mercy, don’t make us live with this gruesome sight forever...‘”

″‘Do you want us to have an accident? Do you want us all to get killed?’ I hate it when Dad asks dumb questions like that. What does he expect me to say? ‘Yes, Dad, I want us to have an accident. I want us all to get killed.‘”

“Crush’ is too weak a word to describe how I feel. It doesn’t do you justice, but maybe it works for me. I am the one who is crushed. I’m crushed that we have only ever regarded each other as enemies. I’m crushed when the day ends and I haven’t said anything to you that isn’t cloaked in five layers of sarcasm.”

″‘Any questions?’ (Please, sir, when am I scheduled to pick my nose?)”

″‘Lion attacks, move back two spaces,’ read Judy. ‘Gosh how exciting,’ said Peter, in a very unexcited voice. ‘Peter,’ she whispered, ‘turn around very, very slowly.‘”

“Muswell, take your rule and measure the window... Try, if possible, not to sever the arteries of your wrists on the jagged edges. There might be awkward questions in Parliament if a boy bled to death in my classroom...”

″‘I am myself unaccustomed to be kissed, but it is an operation to which I may accustom myself in time.’ ‘I never heard it called an operation, uncle,’ Lizzie said demurely, ‘but I now understand the meaning of the phrase of a man’s undergoing a painful operation.‘”

″‘I am myself unaccustomed to be kissed, but it is an operation to which I may accustom myself in time.’ ‘I never heard it called an operation, uncle,’ Lizzie said demurely, ‘but I now understand the meaning of the phrase of a man’s undergoing a painful operation.‘”

″‘A guy who thinks he knows everything,’ I muttered. ‘That’s new.‘”

“You know Fezzik, you finally did something right.”

“You know Fezzik, you finally did something right.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, you know. You don’t have to look so surprised that I know some big words.”

“Well, my dear,” said Mr. Bennet, when Elizabeth had read the note aloud, “if your daughter should have a dangerous fit of illness, if she should die, it would be a comfort to know that it was all in pursuit of Mr. Bingley, and under your orders.”

“After all, one can’t complain. I have my friends. Somebody spoke to me only yesterday. And was it last week or the week before that Rabbit bumped into me and said ‘Bother!’ The Social Round. Always something going on.”

“Many happy returns of the day,” called out Pooh, forgetting that he had said it already. “Thank you, Pooh, I’m having them,” said Eeyore gloomily.

“Eeyore,” said Owl, “Christopher Robin is giving a party.” “Very interesting,” said Eeyore. “I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on. Kind and Thoughtful. Not at all, don’t mention it.”

“I think——” began Piglet nervously. “Don’t,” said Eeyore.

So she got cross with Owl and said that his house was a Disgrace, all damp and dirty, and it was quite time it did tumble down. Look at that horrid bunch of toadstools growing out of the floor there! So Owl looked down, a little surprised because he didn’t know about this, and then gave a short sarcastic laugh, and explained that that was his sponge, and that if people didn’t know a perfectly ordinary bath-sponge when they saw it, things were coming to a pretty pass.

“But, Eeyore,” said Pooh in distress, “what can we—I mean, how shall we—do you think if we——” “Yes,” said Eeyore. “One of those would be just the thing. Thank you, Pooh.”

“I’ve got a sort of idea,” said Pooh at last, “but I don’t suppose it’s a very good one.” “I don’t suppose it is either,” said Eeyore.

“Well, your Eternal City is a nice sort of place.”

“Oh, you are a thorough democrat,” said Monte Cristo, smiling.

“How did you come here?” “I come here,” he retorted, “on my legs. I had my box brought alongside me in a barrow.”