Bo Burnham Quotes

Roses are grey, violets are a different shade of grey, let’s go chase cars!

“I would do anything for you, if convenient. I would move a mountain for you if that mountain could be moved with a button or with a lever that wasn’t too cold to the touch.”

“How, may I ask, did you get so you, you beautiful true-to-you doer? I’ve met many today but can honestly say that I’ve never met anyone you-er”

“Sully suffers from a stutter, simple syllables will clutter, stalling speeches up on beaches like a sunken sailboat rudder.”

“Writing poetry is effortless”

“On the third of June, at a minute past two, where once was a person, a flower now grew... The world was much crueler an hour ago. I’m glad someone decided to give flowers a go.”

“Why do poets always talk about the ocean’s waves, about their single file march to shore, and yet never talk about my grandmother’s farts, which arrive in time, one after the other, with equal regularity?”

“Hell waits in a doctor’s office, tapping his shoe against a loose strip of carpet, holding a magazine in front of his face, trying to look professional, whilst eyeing the children’s toys.”

“Sully strains to say his phrases, sickened by the sounds he raises, strings of thoughts come out in knots, he solves his sentences like mazes. At night, he writes his thoughts instead and sighs as they steadily rush from his head.”

“I could tell you an interesting fact to get you nodding, Like how carpets were first made in the hopes that all of the world’s grass would one day be replaced by carpets, or, as they called them, ‘comfy grass.‘”

“What are you in the mood for?”

“Read this to yourself. Read it silently. Don’t move your lips. Don’t make a sound. Listen to yourself. Listen without hearing anything. What a wonderfully weird thing, huh?”

“I could tell you a scary story to get your teeth chattering, Something about a really old man, sitting in a squeaky rocking chair, pointing at you.”

“Ye Old Sea Captain. [...]Living legend, he is.”

“Maybe a nice look in the mirror is in order, Missy.”

“You can’t just wake up one day and decide to be an elephant, Alfred. The world doesn’t work like that. There are rules, Alfred. And you want to stomp all over them. Get over yourself.”

“I eat words! Delicious words! I gobble the words that you make. Words like rod taste like turds, but billow tastes like cake.”

″‘Get out of here, roundies!’ shouted one of the Squares. ‘Why?’ asked one of the Circles. ‘Because this is a metaphor for racism!‘”

“I’ve got a rabbit’s foot and I feel lucky that I have it, but I still know that it must’ve come from one unlucky rabbit.”

“Absolute nonsense. We need more words like toothbrush.”