Jesse Andrews Quotes

“So the rich kids aren’t the alpha group of the school. The next most likely demographic would be the church kids: They’re plentiful, and they are definitely interested in school domination.”

“There is no force on earth greater than the fear jocks have of homosexuals. None. It’s like the Jewish fear of Nazis, except the complete opposite with regard to who is beating the crap out of whom. So I guess it’s more like the Nazi fear of Jews.”

“Just to summarize: I lurched into Rachel’s room like a zombie, freaking her out, then went for a fist pound. It is impossible to be less smooth than Greg S. Gaines.”

“One thing I’ve learned about people is that the easiest way to get them to like you is to shut up and let them do the talking.”

“‘The young nihilists,’ Dad called us. ‘What are nihilists?’ ‘Nihilists believe that nothing has any meaning. They believe in nothing.’ ‘Yeah,’ said Earl. ‘I’m a nihilist.’ ‘Me, too,’ I said. ‘Good for you,’ Dad said, grinning. Then he stopped grinning and said, ‘Don’t tell your mom.’ And that’s part of the backstory for me and Earl.”

“People always get fired up when an unattractive girl and an unattractive dude are dating each other.”

“There are two kinds of hot girls: Evil Hot Girls, and Hot Girls Who Are Also Sympathetic Good-Hearted People and Will Not Intentionally Destroy Your Life (HGWAASGHPAWNIDYL).”

“It was about the least fun social situation imaginable. If terrorists had burst into the room and tried to suffocate us in hummus, it would have been an improvement.”

“When you convert a good book to a film, stupid things happen.”

“There was just something about her dying that I had understood but not really understood, if you know what I mean. I mean, you can know someone is dying on an intellectual level, but emotionally it hasn’t really hit you, and then when it does, that’s when you feel like shit.”

“Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding.”

“I’m not really putting this very well. My point is this: This book contains precisely zero Important Life Lessons, or Little-Known Facts About Love, or sappy tear-jerking Moments When We Knew We Had Left Our Childhood Behind for Good, or whatever. And, unlike most books in which a girl gets cancer, there are definitely no sugary paradoxical single-sentence-paragraphs that you’re supposed to think are deep because they’re in italics. Do you know what I’m talking about? I’m talking about sentences like this: The cancer had taken her eyeballs, yet she saw the world with more clarity than ever before. Barf. Forget it. For me personally, things are in no way more meaningful because I got to know Rachel before she died. If anything, things are less meaningful. All right?”

“The best ideas are always the simplest.”

“This book probably makes it seem like I hate myself and everything I do. But that’s not totally true. I mostly just hate every person I’ve ever been. I’m actually fine with myself right now.”

“I entered Excessive Modesty Mode. Nothing is stupider and more ineffective than Excessive Modesty Mode. It is a mode in which you show that you’re modest by arguing with someone who is trying to compliment you. Essentially, you are going out of your way to try to convince someone that you’re a jerk.”

“The most beautiful thing about you is that you’re not a sock puppet.”

“Look, I was an idiot. I didn’t want people to think that I had a crush, so I decided to give everyone the impression that I truly, honestly hated Madison Harter. For no reason. Just thinking about this makes me want to punch myself in the eyeball.”

“We used to be pretty good friends, but fourteen-year-old girls are psychotic.”

“I named her when I was a toddler, and now I don’t get a do-over, and me and my sisters all have to call her Gamma-Gamma. It’s embarrassing. I guess we all make mistakes when we’re young.”

“Crying, semi-hysterically, Mom made a number of points: •Your friend is dying •It’s just so hard to watch a child die •And it’s much harder to watch a friend’s daughter die •But the hardest is watching your son watching his friend die •You have to make your own decisions now •It’s so hard for me to let you make your own decisions •But I have to let you make your own decisions •I am so proud of you •Your friend is dying, and you have been so strong.”