concept

Humor Quotes

67 of the best book quotes about humor
  1. #1
    “ASAP. Whatever that means. It must mean, ‘Act swiftly awesome pachyderm!”
  2. #2
    “Say, Becky, was you ever engaged?”
    “What’s that?”
    “Why, engaged to be married.”
    “No.”
    “Would you like to?”
    “I reckon so. I don’t know. What is it like?”
    “Like? Why it ain’t like anything. You only just tell a boy you won’t ever have anybody but him, ever ever ever, and then you kiss and that’s all. Anybody can do it.”
  3. #3
    “Oh me! Oh my! Oh me! Oh my! What a lot of funny things go by.”
  4. #4
    “Everything in this room is edible. Even I’m edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.”
  5. #5
    “You see, there’s different kinds of dead: there’s sort of dead, mostly dead, and all dead.”
  6. #6
    “If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
  7. #7
    Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. “Watson” he says, “look up in the sky and tell me what you see.”
    “I see millions of stars, Holmes,” says Watson.
    “And what do you conclude from that, Watson?”
    Watson thinks for a moment. “Well,” he says, “astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meterologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. Uh, what does it tell you, Holmes?”
    “Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!”
  8. #8
    “Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.”
  9. #9
    “The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d druther not.”
  10. #10
    Laws are best explained, interpreted, and applied by those whose interest and abilities lie in perverting, confounding, and eluding them.
  11. #11
    “When we were little,” the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then,” we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle—we used to call him Tortoise—”
    “Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn’t one?” asked Alice.
    “We called him Tortoise because he taught us,” said the Mock Turtle angrily. “Really you are very dull!”
  1. #12
    “I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
  2. #13
    “Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.”
  3. #14
    “I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to.”
  4. #15
    “Some jokes are less agreeable than others.”
  5. #16
    “What do you mean less than nothing? I don’t think there is any such thing as less than nothing. Nothing is absolutely the limit of nothingness. It’s the lowest you can go. It’s the end of the line. How can something be less than nothing? If there were something that was less than nothing, then nothing would not be nothing, it would be something - even though it’s just a very little bit of something. But if nothing is nothing, then nothing has nothing that is less than it is.”
  6. #17
    “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.”
  7. #18
    “There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humour.”
  8. #19
    “I’m not a psychopath, I’m a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.”
  9. #20
    “I am not in the humor for it.”
  10. #21
    “She was of the mind that people should make their own decisions about their own lives, if you can image such a preposterous thing.”
  11. #22
    “The horrific crush of humanity on my soul. Haven’t you ever felt it?” “I think I have—in Walmart.”
Books about loveView All ››
More Than Balloons book
6.2
board book
More Than Balloons
The Rag Coat book
6.1
picture book
The Rag Coat
Penguin and Pinecone book
6.0
board book
Penguin and Pinecone
All the Places to Love book
6.0
picture book
All the Places to Love
The Trumpet of the Swan book
6.0
chapter book
The Trumpet of the Swan
Spot Loves His Daddy book
6.0
board book
Spot Loves His Daddy
Three Little Words book
6.0
picture book
Three Little Words
Charlotte and the Rock book
5.9
picture book
Charlotte and the Rock
  1. #23
    “I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge.”
  2. #24
    “I was deeply interested in the little family history which he detailed to me with all that candor which a Frenchman indulges whenever mere self is the theme.”
  3. #25
    “If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.”
  4. #26
    “It’s not much of a tail, but I’m sort of attached to it.”
    author
    A. A. Milne
    character
    Eeyore
    concept
    Humor
  5. #27
    “You’ve got about as much charm as a dead slug.”
  6. #28
    “Remember, we’re madly in love, so it’s all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.”
  7. #29
    “I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind except that you happen to be insane.”
    author
    George Orwell
    book
    1984
    concept
    Humor
  8. #30
    “Anyone who thinks the pen is mightier than the sword has not been stabbed with both.”
  9. #31
    “Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?”
  10. #32
    “Since stepping reluctantly into public life, I’ve been held up as the most powerful woman in the world and taken down as an “angry black woman.” I’ve wanted to ask my detractors which part of that phrase matters to them the most—is it “angry” or “black” or “woman”?”
  11. #33
    “From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!”
Books about humorView All ››
Little Oink book
6.3
board book
Little Oink
The Donut Chef book
6.3
picture book
The Donut Chef
Little Hoot book
6.3
board book
Little Hoot
McToad Mows Tiny Island book
6.3
picture book
McToad Mows Tiny Island
Poor Doreen book
6.3
picture book
Poor Doreen
Little Pea book
6.3
board book
Little Pea
Let's Go, Hugo! book
6.0
picture book
Let's Go, Hugo!
  1. #34
    “He kills her in her own humor.”
  2. #35
    Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds.
  3. #36
    “Never laugh at live dragons...”
    author
    Tolkien
    book
    The Hobbit
    character
    Bilbo
    concept
    Humor
  4. #37
    “And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
    “Ten hours the first day,” said the Mock Turtle: “nine the next, and so on.”
    “What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.
    “That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked: “because they lessen from day to day.”
  5. #38
    “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
    author
    Tolkien
    book
    The Hobbit
    character
    Gandalf
    concept
    Humor
  6. #39
    “She was everything I wanted. She was beautiful and charming, with a quick sense of humor, and she supported me in everything I did.”
  7. #40
    “Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer.”
  8. #41
    “Pardon me: I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.”
  9. #42
    You have clearly proved that ignorance, idleness, and vice, are the proper ingredients for qualifying a legislator.
  10. #43
    “God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies…”
  11. #44
    “While there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humour.”
Books about timeView All ››
The Thief Lord book
5.8
chapter book
The Thief Lord
Time for a Hug book
5.5
picture book
Time for a Hug
T. Rex Time Machine book
5.0
picture book
T. Rex Time Machine
Totally Tardy Marty book
4.8
picture book
Totally Tardy Marty
Today Is Monday book
4.5
picture book
Today Is Monday
  1. #45
    “You only just tell a boy you won’t ever have anybody but him, ever ever ever, and then you kiss and that’s all. Anybody can do it.”
  2. #46
    “The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is you’re the only one.”
    author
    A. A. Milne
    book
    Winnie the Pooh
    character
    Eeyore
    concept
    Humor
  3. #47
    “Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.”
  4. #48
    “I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.”
  5. #49
    “Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.”
  6. #50
    “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.”
  7. #51
    “Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it before.”
  8. #52
    “I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.”
  9. #53
    “Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”
  10. #54
    “I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.”
  11. #55
    “And I have one of those very loud, stupid laughs. I mean if I ever sat behind myself in a movie or something, I’d probably lean over and tell myself to please shut up.”
  1. #56
    “Moved me to tears.”
  2. #57
    “Time will mellow it, make it a moment for laughter. But now it was not funny, now I did not laugh. It was not the future, it was the present. It was too vivid and too real.”
  3. #58
    “The way a crow
    Shook down on me
    The dust of snow
    From a hemlock tree
    Has given my heart
    A change of mood
    And saved some part
    Of a day I had rued.”
  4. #59
    The tiny Lilliputians surmise that Gulliver’s watch may be his god, because it is that which, he admits, he seldom does anything without consulting.
  5. #60
    “You see, there’s different kinds of dead: there’s sort of dead, mostly dead, and all dead. This fella here, he’s only sort of dead, which means there’s still a memory inside, there’s still bits of brain. You apply a little pressure here, a little more there, sometimes you get results.”
  6. #61
    “It’s been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.”
  7. #62
    “Sonny, don’t you tell me what’s worthwhile—true love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops. Everybody knows that.”
  8. #63
    “What a long time whoever lives here is answering this door.” And he knocked again.
    “But Pooh,” said Piglet, “it’s your own house!”
    “Oh!” Said Pooh. “So it is,” he said. “Well, let’s go in.”
  9. #64
    “Oh come, now, you don’t mean to let on that you like it?”
    The brush continued to move.
    “Like it? Well I don’t see why I oughtn’t to like it. Does a boy get a chance to whitewash a fence every day?”
    That put the thing in a new light. Ben stopped nibbling his apple. Tom swept his brush daintily back and forth—stepped back to note the effect—added a touch here and there—criticized the effect again—Ben watching every move and getting more and more interested, more and more absorbed. Presently he said:
    “Say, Tom, let me whitewash a little.”
  10. #65
    “The prime motive was the desire of a tale-teller to try his hand at a really long story that would hold the attention of readers, amuse them, delight them, and at times maybe excite them or deeply move them.”
  11. #66
    “You would be amazed how many magicians have died after being bitten by mad rabbits. It’s far more common than you might think.”
  12. #67
    “This is a way to kill a wife with kindness,
    And thus I’ll curb her mad and headstrong humour.
    He that knows better how to tame a shrew,
    Now let him speak. ‘Tis charity to show.”
Book Topics › kindness
Children's Books About Kindness
Book Topics › government
Children's Books About Government
Book Topics › food
Fun Children's Books About Food
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