Allan Ahlberg Quotes

“Once upon a bicycle, So they say, A Jolly Postman came one day From over the hills And far away...”

“Off went the Postman, Toodle-oo! In his uniform of postal blue To a gingerbread cottage- And garage too! With a letter for the Wicked Witch.”

“Once more on his bicycle The Postman rode To a beautiful palace, so we’ve been told, Where nightingales sang And a sign said ‘SOLD’, With a letter for...Cinderella. (There’s a surprise!)”

“Later on, the Postman, Feeling hot, Came upon a ‘grandma’ in a shady spot; But ‘Grandma’- What big teeth you’ve got!”

“Now the Jolly Postman, Nearly done (so is the story), Came to a house where a party had begun. On the step Was a Bear with a bun.”

“So Goldilocks put the pound note In the pocket of her frock, And the Postman joined the party And they all played ‘Postman’s Knock’. “

“Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake baker’s man, Bake me a cake as fast as you can, Carry it in on a beautiful plate And light up the candles- TODAY I AM EIGHT!”

“So ‘Grandma’ read the letter And poured the tea, Which the not-so-Jolly Postman Drank...nervously.”

“So Cinders read her little book, The Postman drank champagne Then wobbled off On his round again (and again and again – Oops!)”

“Soon the Jolly Postman, We hear tell, Stopped at a door with a giant bell And a giant Bottle of milk as well”

“Please Mrs Butler This boy Derek Drew Keeps copying my work, Miss. What shall I do? Go and sit in the hall, dear. Got and sit in the sink. Take your books on the roof, my lamb. Do whatever you think”

“Please Mrs Butler This boy Derek Drew. Keeps taking my rubber, Miss. What shall I do? Keep it in your hand, dear. Hide it up your vest. Swallow it if you like, my love. Do what you think best.”

“Please Mrs Butler. This boy Derek Drew. Keeps calling me rude names, Miss. What shall I do? Lock yourself in the cupboard, dear. Run away to sea. Do whatever you can, my flower. But don’t ask me!”

“In the last week of the holidays. I was feeling glum. I could hardly wait for school to start; neither could mum. Now we’ve been back a week, I could do with a breather. I can hardly wait for the holidays; Teacher can’t either.”

“There is a fish tank in our class which no fish in it. A guinea-pig cage with no guinea-pig in it; A formicarium with no ants in it; and according to Miss Hodge some of our head are empty too.”

“I’ve writ on the wrong page, Miss. My pencil went all blunt. My book was upside-down, Miss. My book was back to front. My margin’s gone all crooked, Miss. I’ve smudged mine with my scarf. I’ve rubbed a hole in the paper, Miss. My ruler’s broke in half.”

“My work’s blew out the window, Miss. My work’s fell in the bin. The leg’s dropped off my chair, Miss. The ceiling’s coming in. I’ve ate a poison apple, Miss. I’ve held a poison pen! I think I’m being kidnapped, Miss! So . . . can we start again?”

“There is a girl with no front teeth. And a boy with hardly any hair Having had it cut. There are sums without answers, painting unfinished, And projects with no hope of ever coming to an end.”

“The only thing that’s brim-full in our class is the waste-paper basket. Here is the rule for what to do whenever your teacher has the flu, or for some other reasons takes to her bed and a different teacher comes instead.”

“When you want to change places or wander about, or feel like getting the guinea-pig out, Never forget, the message is this: ‘Our teacher always lets us, Miss!‘” Then, when your teacher returns next day and complains about the paint or clay, remember these words, you just say this: ‘That other teacher told us to, Miss!‘”