Lauren Child Quotes

“Oh you think these are carrots. These are not carrots. These are orange twiglets from Jupiter.”

“I love to eat cloud.”

“Lola won’t eat carrots, of course. She says carrots are for rabbits.”

“But I don’t eat green things”

“Oh, this isn’t mashed potato. People often think that but no, this is cloud fluff from the pointiest peak of Mount Fuji.”

“I know these are not fish sticks. These are ocean nibbles from the supermarket under the sea--mermaids eat them all the time.”

“I absolutely will not ever eat a tomato.”

“These are not peas. Of course they are not. These are green drops from Greenland. They are made out of green and fall from the sky.”

“I will not eat potato so don’t even try, not even smashed.”

“Well, I might just try one if they’re all the way from Jupiter.”

“Clarice’s extraordinarily ordinary family is under pressure. Dad keeps muttering about how “there might be a reshuffle going on at work”, while mum spends her life “gribbling about pants on the floor and shoes on the sofa”. And as for her brother, Minal Cricket, he “tends to be utterly a nuisance”.”

“Most of all I would like to have a name, instead of just that pesky rat.”

“Sometimes when I’m tucked into my potato chips bag, I look up at all the cozy windows and wonder what it would be like to live with creature comforts. To belong to somebody. To be a real pet.”

There were some things I liked about this, and some I didn’t. I love that Clarice Bean is a bookworm, addicted to the Ruby Redford series about a young girl who lives a secret double life as an international spy. I liked the creativity in the text layout, meandering about the page as Clarice’s thoughts meander during class.

“Clarice and her utterly best friend, Betty Moody, are planning to ace their book project about Ruby and win the class prize, until Betty disappears into thin air, and horrible teacher Mrs. Wilberton teams Clarice up with the naughtiest boy in school.”

“Sometimes I stare boredly into space, thinking utterly of nothing. This makes Mrs. Wilberton very irritated. I get on her nerves. I know this because she is always telling me I do. To be honest, Mrs. Wilberton is not my favorite person on the planet of Earth. Unfortunately, I am from Earth and she is my teacher.”

“I live in trash can number 3. Grubby Alley. Every now and then I come back to find that someone has emptied all my belongings into a big truck and driven off with them.”

This is me, Clarice Bean. I am not an only child, but I sometimes wish I was. My family is six people, which is sometimes too many. Not always, just sometimes. My dad is mostly in an office on the phone, going, “I can’t talk now — I’m up to my ears in it.”

Will her new partner ruin everything? Will Betty ever come back? And what on earth happened to the silver trophy everyone’s hoping to win? Lauren Child brings her trademark wacky wit and eccentric visual energy to a full-length, fast paced Clarice Bean episode that will charm even the most capricious reader.

“This is me. I’m the one with the pointy nose and beady eyes.”

It’s not easy to concentrate at school when mysterious things are happening all around you. In fact, Clarice Bean is starting to feel just like her favorite heroine: Ruby Redfort, schoolgirl detective.

“I am the third oldest, and I think it would have been a good idea if I was the youngest, too. I am not quite sure why my mom and dad wanted to have more children after me.”

“Sometimes I stare boredly into space, thinking utterly of nothing. This makes Mrs. Wilberton very irritated. I get on her nerves. I know this because she is always telling me I do. To be honest, Mrs. Wilberton is not my favorite person on the planet of Earth. Unfortunately, I am from Earth and she is my teacher.”

“My friend Pierre, who is a chinchilla, belongs to a lady named Madame Fifi. He has a very glamorous life. He lives in the lap of luxury.”

“There isn’t much demand for brown rats. I’m afraid you aren’t very popular with the public.”

Mom is always gribbling about pants on the floor and shoes on the sofa. She says, “This house doesn’t clean itself, you know. “Who do you think does everything around here? “Mr. Nobody? “I don’t get paid to pick up your smelly socks! If I did, I’d be a rich woman.” etc. etc. non stop.

“They don’t need another one and it’s a shame because he is spoiling it for everyone else. He is called Minal Cricket and he tends to be utterly a nuisance. He is nonstop whining and causing other people to get themselves in trouble.”

“Oscar says, ‘Doing whatever you like can get tiresome after a while. I sometimes get a little bored watching the same old shows on TV. I even have to get my own supper.‘”

“I just love being a pet.”

“Andrew says, ‘On the whole I feel very well cared for. And Miss St. Clair is good company. But it’s kind of embarrassing when we go shopping.’ I don’t think clothes would suit me. But I would do almost anything to be somebody’s pet.”

″‘I’ll take him.’ Mrs. Trill says, ‘Are you sure?’ And Mr. Fortesque says, ‘Oh yes, I’ve been looking for a brown cat as nice as this one for ages.‘”

When your annoying little brother shares your room, your older brother is in the tunnel of adolescence, your dad hides in his office eating rocky road ice cream and swaying to Frank Sinatra, and your mother listen to foreign language tapes in a candlelit bathtub, what can you do to get away from it all?

Meet the feisty Clarice Bean and sympathize with her search for just a little peace and quiet amidst a family many of us will recognize only too well. The witty text and jazzy illustrations capture the wonderful wacky chaos of a large extended family from the hilarious vantage point of one of its youngest members.

Clarice leads a cool, socialized life. Chaotic expressive pictures work well with scattergun text itemizing clarice’s likes and dislikes, family, relatives and friends. Stereotyped mum (relaxes in the bath ) and dad ( big office with Ms Egglington to buzz you through ). Many 10 year old girls might want to be Clarice.

Clarice Bean just wants to be alone, but finding some time and a place to be alone in her house is a challenge. Clarice lives with her mother and father, shares a room with her younger brother and has an older brother and sisters too. On top of that, her grandfather lives with the family. But when living stacked on top of each other leads to a big fight, can Clarice make the best of the consequences.

“Sometimes I say, I haven’t got time for all your nonsense. And he says, TWIT. And I say, Twit and a half. And he says, Twit with carrots in your ears. And then I flick his nose with my ruler, And he says, MOOOM, in this really whiny brother way.”

The mom listening to whales sing in the bathtub while standing on one foot = yoga; and the older brother that’s a teenager in his room with headphones on and a shirt that reads, “Shut up and go away.” A good book to read as an introduction to family discussion because the family is so large, someone everyone would be able to relate to.

“Later, after Clarice dumps a bowl of spaghetti on her brother’s head, her mother advises her to think before she acts, and this young queen of the quick comeback responds, “And she’s right. If I’d thought about it I would have put tapioca down his shorts.”

I love the way she talks about her family, because it’s sorta different to how an adult would see it. I wasn’t super into the art style at first, but it definitely grew on me, so much so that I now think the art style really adds to the charm and value of this picture book. I’d love to read more about Clarice Bean!

Graphically, these collage-like pages are as busy and spontaneous as Child’s (I Want a Pet) exuberant, self-assured heroine. Stylized, childlike drawings appear against backdrops of flowered wallpaper, linoleum tile and photographs, while the text’s fonts change as quickly and randomly as the amusingly opinionated Clarice’s thoughts.

Bright and brassy, this youngster will win over readers in a split second and will leave them hoping for more of her trials and tribulations.